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The All Highest Goes to 
Jerusalem 








THE ONE-MAN BAND OF EUROPE 



The All Highest Goes 
to Jerusalem 

Being the Diary of the German 

Emperor s Journey to the Holy 

Land 

TRANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH BY 

Frank Alvah Dearborn 




New York 
George H. Doran Company 



/ ■•• 



^ 






COPYRIGHT. 1918, BY 
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY 



FEB 28 1918 

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 

©aA4 8186 4 



Introduction 



LE RIRE (The Laugh) of Paris is to 
France what Punch is to England 
and Life to the United States. Soon 
after the Emperor of Germany's journey to 
Constantinople and the Holy Land, nearly 
twenty years ago, the whole French nation 
was convulsed over an issue of Le Rire 
which purported to reveal the private travel 
notes of the Kaiser on what he termed his 
divine mission. The explanations upon the 
title page of Le Rire, as originally pub- 
lished, were as follows: 

TOUR OF WILLIAM THE II— 15 
DAYS IN TURKEY, PALESTINE, 
JERUSALEM AND THE HOLY 
LAND. 

In view of the demand of the itinerary 
only a single performance will be given in 
each locality. 

Soldiers will be admitted for half price. 

THIS NUMBER IS PROHIBITED 
IN GERMANY, 

As France and Germany were at this time 
theoretically at peace, a mild attempt was 

[vii] 



Introduction 



made by the French Government to sup- 
press the issue; but every one secured a 
copy and the laugh was general at the 
Kaiser's expense. The witty author wrote 
with a prophetic vision. He might well 
have written yesterday. We now see the 
fruits of His Majesty's intrigue with the 
Sultan and his pompous entrance into the 
Holy Land. The taking of Jerusalem by 
British forces has a significance for the 
Christian world which can hardly be over- 
estimated and at this juncture the publica- 
tion of this shrewd jest would seem to be 
particularly opportune. 

In these times of stress, a little relaxation 
may not be amiss, and in that spirit, this 
translation of Le Rire is published. 

Frank Alvah Dearborn. 



[viii] 



The All Highest 



ILLUSTRATIONS 



The One-Man Band of Europe Frontispiece 



The Sultan's March .... 


PAGE 
IX 


The Departure . . . 


17 


In Venice ...... 


21 


In the Arms of Umberto 


25 


View of Constantinople 


29 


The Quarry . . . 


35 


Escort of Honor ..... 


39 


A Little "Pork'' on the Side . 


43 


The Sleep of the Virgin 


47 


At the Door of Saint-Sophia . 


53 


Au Revoir, Sultan, I Shall Return With- 




out Being Invited .... 


57 


Lohengrin Receiving Mahomet's Kiss . 


61 


The Sermon in the Desert . 


^S 


The Cold Bath in the Jordan 


69 


Resurrection of the Leper . 


73 


The Ascension ..... 


77 


[xi] 





The All Highest 



PAGE 

Review of a Monastery . . .81 

These Pests, Reporters and Photogra- 
phers Are Everywhere ... 85 

"As It Was Very Heavy, They Took 

Turns in Carrying It" . . . 89 



[xii] 



The All Highest Goes to 
Jerusalem 




The All Highest Goes to 
Jerusalem 



LE RIRE offers to its readers to-day, 
the impressions of this trip to the 
Orient of Emperor William II; 
these impressions were written by the august 
traveller himself. This is how we procured 
them; the Emperor wrote every evening the 
recital of the day's events upon the leaves 
of a little note book which never left him. 
On retiring at night William II placed this 
note book under his bolster; on rising he 
placed it (the note book, not the bolster, let 
it be understood) in the left pocket of his 
coat. 

Wednesday, at the moment when the 
Emperor had just fallen asleep one of our 
men stole the note book and brought it 
away. In less time than it takes to tell it, 
we photographed the written pages which 
we here transcribe; and, a few moments 
afterward, the secret document was re- 
placed under the head of the sleeping Sov- 
ereign. One sees how simple it was! Only 
the matter had to be thought out. 

[13] 



The All Highest 



We have accomplished the greatest stroke 
of reporting that has been seen for a long 
time. We add to the secret notes of His 
Majesty, a great musical composition which 
he composed and offered to the Sultan, as 
well as to the other Sovereigns of Europe, 
besides the triumphal march that he wrote 
for his entrance into Jerusalem. 

October 75. I have always loved to 
travel ; in spite of the fact that one is an Em- 
peror, it teaches you many things of which 
you are ignorant. The Orient especially 
attracts me and I would like to lead there 
a peaceful crusade; all the Sovereigns of 
any consequence have gone there from their 
journey into Asia Minor. 

It is not that I profess great sympathy for 
the Christians of Syria. I hold them, if I 
dare to say so, in slight esteem. But the 
mission which I have received from the 
King of Kings leads me to the banks of the 
Jordan; and then Pierre Loti asserts that it 
is necessary to see the Jordan; now I have 
confidence in Pierre Loti who was a soldier. 

Only I am not used to travelling! There 

[14] 



The All Highest 



are lots of troublesome preparations; time- 
tables must be consulted and railroad con- 
nections determined. Hotel rooms must be 
engaged, commissioners, carriages and 
camels secured; too many complications! 
I would have given up the trip if I had not 
received a call from Mr. Thomas Cook, a 
fine man, v^ho, like all the English, knows 
how to travel. 

Mr. Cook asked me for an audience and 
said: 

"Sire, I hear that Your Majesty is embar- 
rassed?" 

"Sir," said I haughtily, "the Emperor of 
Germany is never embarrassed. Neverthe- 
less continue." 

"You would like to go to Palestine?" 

"Certainly." 

"And you do not know how to arrange 
it?" 

"True." 

"Very well, I, Thomas Cook, will take 
you there — and for nothing/^ 

Any one else would have exclaimed. I 
responded only with a smile. "Mr. Cook, 
what do you take for your nerve?" 

[15] 



The All Highest 



"But — you refuse?" 

"Rather, I am of age; no one puts any- 
thing over on me. You are going to offer 
tours at reduced prices and you will take 
along thousands of tourists in my wake; 
that will bring you in a handsome profit in 
the end. Let us divide." 

"However, Sire, I assure you that I shall 
lose money. . . ." 

"We will divide, fifty-fifty, or nothing 
doing; I have nickeled spurs; half the 
amount upon leaving, the other half at 
Jerusalem. What do you say?" 

"Agreed." 

"And this arrangement includes my 
retinue gratis. In fact, you charge your- 
self with everything!" 

Mr. Cook accepted; a few days later, he 
issued the prospectuses, quite well written; 
they insisted upon my divine mission and 
upon the mystic character of the tour which 
would take me into the most celebrated 
places in Palestine; they ended with these 
words: "Every day His Majesty, William 
n, will put on a new and entirely different 
costume. The accessories, decorations, etc. 

[16] 




THE DEPARTURE 

(Uniform of Head Conductor) 



The All Highest 



will also be renewed according to the cir- 
cumstances." I found that they had exag- 
gerated somewhat. 

October I J. I have packed my trunks. 
I am ready. 

October l8. This morning an employee 
of the Cook firm came to awaken me. I 
dressed myself; costume very simple of 
Chief Controller of railways; they led me 
to the train which is the first of fifty trains 
that start to-day with my retinue and the 
tourists. I gave the signal for departure 
myself by blowing into a little order-trum- 
pet. The train starts. I climb aboard and 
install myself in the compartment for Sov- 
ereigns only. 

I take out this note book in order to write 
my impressions. 

What do I feel? 

Nothing. 

October IQ, Arrived at Venice. My 
cousin Humbert (Humberto) was waiting 
to receive me as I passed through the city. 

[19] 



The All Highest 



He is a good fellow and has done the best 
he could; but he was able to do but little. 
I am aware that he is short and I shall not 
prolong my sojourn in Venice. 

Besides it is a misunderstood City; there 
is water everywhere; nothing is more un- 
healthy; and then it is out of style. 

They gave me a ride in a gondola. I was 
careful to change to a uniform of Captain 
of Gondoliers in order not to be noticed. I 
observed that there were not many soldiers 
in the streets. They did not show me the 
barracks. On the other hand there are 
churches en masse. The food is not good: 
nevertheless the confectionery is better. 

In the evening, illuminations; profusion 
of lanterns — Venetian — naturally. Still 
more gondolas; the people are tiresome 
with their perpetual boating; and, think of 
mobolising all that in time of war! Of 
course there was music; it appeared to rain 
mandolins. And that with fire-works ! How 
much better it would be to keep their pow- 
der rather than to fire it at the pigeons! 

I slept badly on the train. I am fatigued. 
I should like to return to the Hohenzollern 

[20] 




IN VENICE 

(Uniform of Captain of Gondoliers) 



The All Highest 



which is at anchor within sight of Venice. 
I must wait until all is finished. Is there 
nothing else to visit? No? Goodnight! 

Humberto kisses me. I return it, and 
this will do for a few years. When they 
see me here again, it will be hot. 

I gain the Hohenzollern and they raise 
the anchor. 



October 20, At sea, on board the 
yes, I have already said that. 
What do I feel? 
Always nothing! 



This absence of impressions begins to 
disturb me. 

October 21. I am not well. 

October 22. We start again to navigate 
the Mediterranean! I have been sick for 
two days. Day before yesterday the Cap- 
tain informed me that we should pass 
within sight of Greece. 

I shall not land. This is not included in 
the itinerary. 

[23] 



The All Highest 



And then, I do not know how I should 
be received. 

Furthermore, Mr. Cook says there is 
nothing curious to see there ; only old, 
tumble-down temples, and ruined statues, 
and I am in a hurry to reach Constanti- 
nople. The two transports of tourists are 
following us. 

I leave my cabin and go up to the bridge. 
Water everywhere! Immensity! I must 
collect my thoughts ! 

The assertion that the Mediterranean is 
blue is false; it is like other seas, a dirty 
green. 

October 23. We arrive within sight of 
Asia — eternally Minor, and under the 
guardianship of Europe. The captain 
points out to me in the distance, what the 
Turks call in their picturesque language, 
the Dabar-Kader. 

Mr. Cock informs me that we are in the 
Golden Horn; the sea is quiet; upon it the 
boats are floating "like matches without 
gulf or Bosphorus" said he wittily. 

There is nothing curious about the Dar- 

[24] 




IN THE ARMS OF UMBERTO 



The All Highest 



danelles. I do not understand why Occi- 
dental diplomacy is so interested concern- 
ing them. 

Regarded from a distance, the city of 
Constantinople presents the very interesting 
aspect of a vegetable garden. The roofs 
are strangely shaped; there are round, ob- 
long, bulbous, egg-shaped, pyriform and 
pointed ones. All that is practical in order 
to catch the rain water; it also appears that 
it rains more rarely in these warm countries 
than elsewhere; everything is explained! 

Constantinople ! Every one leaves the 
vessel. A small boat carries me to land. I 
look well in my uniform of a Lieutenant of 
an Andorra vessel. I leap lightly to the 
dock. 

A personage comes to me. 

"His Majesty William II perhaps?" 

"The same. To whom have I the 
honor ?" 

"I am the Sultan here, Abdul-Hamid." 

"Ah! Exactly!" 

And with this dialogue our intimacy 
began. 

The Sultan is a man of middle age and 

[27] 



The All Highest 



greatly resembles Naquet, the father of 
divorce. He is not handsome, but he ap- 
pears very gentle and very much of a good 
fellow. 

Besides, it seems that he is greatly loved 
at the palace yonder. Only as a matter of 
precaution he goes out but little, lives very 
much shut up. 

The Sultan was dressed in an ordinary 
frock-coat, ordinary trousers and wore a 
fez ; around his collar was a cravat of the 
Commander of the Faithful. You can 
hardly imagine the simplicity of the man. 
He said to me: 

"My dear William, this is without cere- 
mony; make yourself at home; we have 
done nothing special for you; now if you 
like they will show you to your room." 

"Thanks." 

They conducted me to a palace prepared 
for my reception. I have never seen any- 
thing so repulsive ; that is to say, the Spanish 
inns are the acme of comfort compared with 
what they offered me. The sheets had not 
been changed for six months; spiders had 
Britanically spun their webs in the corners 

[28] 




$>!•• Mmt 



riEW OF CONSTANTINOPLE 

(Original Sketch by the Emperor) 



The All Highest 



of the room; large patches of plaster had 
fallen from the ceiling and the floor yielded 
in places. 

Certainly I am accustomed to the rude 
life of the camps. How many times in my 
Berlin palace has it happened that I have 
slept fully dressed in my bed. I am not 
effeminate, but truly I recoil in the face of 
the horror of these lodgings. 

The Sultan asked me: 

^Well, what do you think of it? Do I 
spoil you?" 

"Yes, it is too beautiful for me!" 

"No matter, I give you the best, I am not 
stingy." 

"My modesty obliges me to refuse. I 
will sleep at the embassy; I prefer it." 

"As you like." 

At the embassy they arranged to give me 
a room; it is not luxurious but it is clean. 
I change my clothes, and it is in the cos- 
tume of a Captain of Mounted Divers that 
I witness the naval review ordered in my 
honor. 

The iron-clads of the Turkish navy are in 
an excellent state of preservation. Profiting 

[31] 



The All Highest 



by the example of European fleets, the 
Sultan does not risk his outside of the har- 
bor, with the result that he has no occasion 
to dread the accidents which so often trans- 
form the iron-clads into submarines. Be- 
sides, this Turk has a don't-care-a-damn 
nonchalance quite Oriental which greatly 
aids him in the accomplishment of the deli- 
cate task of Sovereign. 

And yet he is sufficiently practical ; rather 
than keep his men-of-war idle, he utilizes 
them for popular emergencies. Thus he 
has transformed the iron-clad Dreadful into 
floating baths at the bottom of the sea, and 
during the hot weather he realises a hand- 
some income from it. The first-class moni- 
tor Catastrophe is a public laundry boat 
where in consideration of a small fee the 
women of the city may wash their soiled 
linen en famille. The Terrifier, the only 
vessel that has a steam engine, furnishes 
the electric light for the palace. The big 
iron-clad. Ravage has been divided into a 
casino-jetty promenade where travelling 
troops give operettas, and the regular fre- 

[32] 



The All Highest 



quenters play baccara. As for the torpedo- 
boats, they rent them by the day to those of 
the leisured class who wish to take a sail. 

This review of the Turkish fleet inter- 
ested me greatly; there is much to be 
learned from their novel ideas. It was the 
Sultan himself who informed me, when I 
inquired as to the other iron-clad, the Mas- 
sacre, that he had turned it over to the Sal- 
vation Army. 

The dinner was not remarkable. I fore- 
see that I shall have trouble with the food 
during my entire journey. I was placed 
beside my host; that man has no gift for 
conversation; he knows nothing of war 
matters; he is not interested in military 
questions; under such conditions the con- 
versation languished fearfully. What can 
one do for the night? 

Midnight. The Sultan had reserved for 
me an agreeable surprise. The last mouth- 
ful at dinner swallowed, he said to me: 

"Guess what we are going to do, Wil- 
liam?" 



The All Highest 



"Set off fire-works, I hazard." 

"No." 

"Some music, then, perhaps?" 

"No." 

"A lively show?" 

"Wrong again. They say you are a great 
hunter?" 

"Decidedly, yes." 

"Very well, we are going to shoot some 
Armenians from ambush. There are but 
few left and I have reserved them for you. 
You know it's great sport, very amusing. 
We wait until the beaters-up have made the 
game rise, and as soon as it attempts to 
escape we fire." 

I have hunted a little everywhere. I 
have killed a little of everything but I was 
still ignorant of the Armenian hunt which 
is the favorite sport of the country. Abdul 
and I placed ourselves in ambush in the 
look-out. The guards released about a 
hundred head of Armenians and drove them 
in our direction. At the end of an hour we 
ceased firing. 

On the field there were : 

[34] 




'HE QUARRY 

TJniform of a Corporal of Tyrolian Hunters) 



The All Highest 



25 old men 
40 men 
14 women 
21 minors 



Total 100 

They arranged the quarry by the light of 
the torches; it was very picturesque. It 
appears that this game becomes more and 
more rare; that is what the Sultan confided 
to me with the bitterness of an old hunter 
who sees his favourite beast disappear. I 
had dressed myself for the occasion in 
the costume of a Brigadier of Tyrolian 
Hunters. 

At supper Abdul and I talked with 
greater familiarity. We discussed diverse 
questions of internal politics, then we 
"talked shop." I maintained that the best 
way to make one beloved by a people is to 
amuse them with military parades, reviews, 
military exercises and military music. The 
Sultan does not share my opinion. He finds 
the best way to make himself respected and 
cherished is never to show himself. "I live 

[37] 



The All Highest 



in my kiosque, not through timidity, but 
because I do not care for society. I have 
simple tastes. And then there is an Arab 
proverb which says ^Do not allow them to 
eat out of thine hand or they will eat the 
handy And he disclosed to me the con- 
siderable role played by hemp and poison- 
ous substances in the Ottoman Dynasty. 

I have already found that the work of an 
Emperor is not so joyful that one should 
complicate it with suspicion ; one might as 
well resign at once. 

At dessert, rendered a little lively by the 
repast taken at my hotel, I inquired, *'Could 
one see the ladies?" He replied that they 
had retired, and promised to show them to 
me the next day. This was unfortunate as 
I felt in an amiable mood. 

I write these notes and go to bed. 

October 24. As I awakened, the Sultan 
sent me the brevet of Corporal of Turkish 
Infantry. By chance, I had brought the 
costume; I put it on; Abdul informs me 
that they are going to have a review in my 

[38] 




ESCORT OF HONOR 



The All Highest 



honour. At last I shall have some distrac- 
tion. 

4 0^ clock. I return; the review did not 
satisfy me; the men manoeuvred like fire- 
men. 

They began by presenting me to the 
Generals of the Turkish army, Schleif- 
mann-Pasha, Von der Wurst-Pasha, Hans 
Brauwer-Effendi, Sidi-Kobus-Bey, Tou- 
meh-Pasha, etc. They speak the German 
language quite purely and without accent. 

Then the march began; I noticed at first 
that the uniform of each regiment was not 
uniform ; thus certain ones in the same com- 
pany have European pantaloons, others 
Turkish pantaloons, others none at all. I 
admit that it is fantastic but hardly fitting 
in such degree. 

Same variety of head-dress ; the one who 
prefers a helmet puts on a helmet, the one 
who likes a fez wears a fez ; there are even 
those who wear bicycle-caps which is surely 
not according to the ordinance. 

The armament is but slightly more homo- 
geneous ; every model of gun is found in the 

[41] 



The All Highest 



hands of Ottoman soldiers. I asked the 
Sultan if this was premeditated in order to 
have, in case of war, different sorts of ex- 
periences; he replied that the state of his 
finances did not permit of his having an- 
other armament. From the moment it ap- 
peared to be unpremeditated it was no 
longer of interest to me. 

The troops gave evidence of great indi- 
vidual initiative as each soldier marched at 
a pace which suited him; it resulted in a 
slight disorder in the parade. I shall 
characterize in a phrase the Turkish army; 
it lacks organization. Abdul-Hamid as- 
sured me that that was for the best. "I have 
also," added he, "excellent means for mak- 
ing the men fight well; I never pay them. 
They have to conquer forcibly." 

This confidence opens the horizon to me. 
Perhaps the Sultan is finally right. "If one 
has the strength of a lion to defend one's 
property, one has that of a tiger to take the 
property of others!" as says the proverb, 
which I am pleased to believe to be 
Persian. 

This evening, private dinner at the Ildiz- 

[42] 




A LITTLE "pork" ON THE SIDE 



The All Highest 



Kiosk. We are again going to eat their vile 
preserves a la rose; I am sick at the stomach 
In advance. 

Midnight, Ah! Ah! I return from 

-but let us not anticipate. 



We dined. Naquet I mean, Abdul- 

Hamid has the slovenly habit of having 
each dish tasted by his officers. In answer 
to my inquiry, he informed me that he took 
this precaution in order not to be poisoned. 
Such things cut the appetite as with a razor. 
When I return to the embassy I will have 
them serve me a supper. 

At dessert, as we were in a sprightly 
humour, Abdul said to me: 

"Come, admit it!" 

"What?" 

"Confess that you are burning with 
curiosity!" 

"Curiosity for what?" 

"To see my harem, by Mahomet!" 

I had an austere youth; rarely was it 
permitted me to see the creatures whose sole 
mission it is to bring a little happiness to 
men in exchange for worldly goods. Mo- 

[45] 



The All Highest 



nogamy seems to me to be very much out 
of date and I regret not being able to sub- 
stitute for it a well regulated polygamy; 
furthermore nearly all superior men are 
polygamous; — at least clandestinely. 

The offer of the Sultan made my mouth 
water. It did not appear to me incompat- 
ible with my Divine Mission that I should 
go to admire the works of the Most High in 
that in which they are most perfect. I 
responded. 

"Show me the way and I am yours!" 

"No; the ladies must first be warned." 

"On the contrary let us surprise them." 

"I will not do that." 

I requested a few moments to change 
my costume, and I dressed myself as a 
Lieutenant-Colonel of Eunuchs of His 
Majesty; nevertheless I retained my mous- 
taches. 

After many turnings in the seraglio (as 
I had not been brought up there I did not 
know the turns) we stopped in front of a 
little door guarded by black eunuchs; the 
black eunuchs are distinguished from the 

[46] 




rHE SLEEP OF THE VIRGIN 



The All Highest 



white eunuchs only by the colour of their 
skin. They allowed us to pass. 

Abdul, who preceded me, opened the 
door, and I heard the women's voices cry- 
ing, "Oh! Oh! Here is the Master!'' 

"Silence within! I have some one with 
me!" 

When I entered in my turn, the women 
exclaimed to one another: 

"Look! A new one!" 

"He has a good face!" 

"Come on, we won't eat you!" 

I was greatly embarrassed ; to my natural 
awkwardness was added an awkwardness 
intensified still more by my ignorance of the 
place where I found myself. 

The room was square, furnished with a 
divan which extended the length of the 
Walls; above the divan was a profusion of 
mirrors. Upon the cushions sat a number 
of women very lightly clothed ; every coun- 
try was represented; I even noticed a ne- 
gress, — how refined these Orientals are! 

They invited me to be seated upon the 
divan and they presented me successively to 
all the women; there are three hundred of 

[49] 



The All Highest 



them, not one less. Of course there are 
plain ones as well as handsome ones ; but the 
beauties are in the majority. The women 
grow stout very quickly, for they take but 
little exercise. Nevertheless I do not dislike 
that. 

Their names are very elegant and very 
poetic. Flora, Carmen, Mascotte, Julia, 
Sonia, Camelia, Lelia, etc., etc. The names 
of birds are also frequently met. Mesange, 
Famette, and the names of flowers, Violette, 
Reseda. It is an old Oriental custom to so 
christen every now pensioner. 

The introductions finished, I judged it 
proper to order a few bottles of wine to 
regale these amiable persons; on their part, 
they stuffed my pockets with mild cigarettes 
and sugar cakes. 

Then upon the order of the Master, many 
of the women began to dance a national 
dance, very curious and voluptuous; mean- 
while, other women sang characteristic 
songs. They call it the danse du ventre. 
Decidedly one learns in travelling. 

In the long run the spectacle acts upon 
the nervous system. I was in a state of 

[50] 



The All Highest 



comatose happiness, when one of the women 
who had not danced approached me. . . . 



Here the recital of the Emperor is in- 
terrupted; there is about a half page where 
the writing has been carefully scratched 
out; there can be distinguished here and 
there a few words, such as ^'happiness,'' '^ de- 
lightful,'^ ^' chandelier I' ^^ present" — but it is 
impossible to make out to what these words 
relate and how they should be put together. 
The experts we have consulted do not agree. 
There is reason to believe that the guest of 
the Sultan feared he would lose his note 
book filled with too precise recollections. 
We shall not try to open a Judas in the wall 
of his private life. The recital of the Em- 
peror continues on another page. 



[51] 



The All Highest 



October 2^, In order to express my 
thanks to my amiable companion I have 
sent him the brevet and insignia of Captain 
of Pomeranian Grenadiers. My word, but 
these little presents maintain friendship; I 
do not regret what I have done. I am en- 
tirely satisfied with my evening; this morn- 
ing I awakened somewhat fagged, but it 
will soon pass. 

Abdul Hamid insists that I visit his 
capitol. (It is the turn of the proprietor) 
I cannot escape; they are all the same, they 
must show me their monuments. I have as 
many at their services, at home. 

Here the mosques are plentiful ; they are 
very tiresome. Before entering, one must 
remove one's shoes and go in barefoot. My 
host very kindly offered to help me remove 
mine; I visited then St. Sophia, shoeless. 
Islamism is a religion of vagabonds. They 
took me everywhere, then they authorised 
me to put on my shoes and leave. 

There were other curiosities; I should 
have preferred to return to the harem, but 

[ 52 ] 




AT THE DOOR OF SAINT-SOPHIA 



The All Highest 



Abdul Hamid would not listen to it. I did 
not insist. 

October 26. It is ended; I must leave. 
My Divine Mission demands it. I am the 
Messiah who comes to renew the chain of 
mystic traditions. It is a question of being 
serious. I decided to resume my route 
toward Jerusalem. Besides Mr. Cook is 
becoming impatient. At the moment of 
leaving, Abdul-Hamid loaded me with 
presents; he gave me things of which the 
commercial value is almost nothing, but the 
historic value is unrivalled: 

A hair from the Prophet's beard 
A stone from the great mosque of Mecca 
A bone from Mahomet's horse 
A pair of slippers 
A pair of fez 

A worn-out marghile which came from 
his Uncle 

A dozen seals of Mammam 
A sabre of the National guard 
The Osman cross 
Some nugat 

[55] 



The All Highest 



Finally, just as I was about to embark, he 
presented me with a little harbour on the 
side. I thanked him profusely. He in- 
quired: 

"Are you satisfied with your sojourn at 
the Porte?" 

"I could not be more so." 

"You have not been bored?" 

"Not for a moment." 

"Then you will return?" 

"Have no fear about that! The next 
time I will come without being invited!" 

This promise did not seem to give him 
enormous pleasure. I kissed the Sultan and 
went on board my vessel. En route ! 

The same evening I went ashore at 
Kaiff a. Attention ! 

October 2J. The reception at Kaiffa has 
been most cordial; there are not many 
people in this country. I took a carriage; 
we left for Cesara. At night we slept in 
the open air, under the star, which guided 
the Wise Men of the East. 

It is interesting but the farther I pro- 

[56] 




AU REVOIR, SULTAN, I SHALL RETURN WITHOUT BEING INVITED 



The All Highest 



ceed, the more the object of this journey 
seems vague. 

October 28. From Cesara to Jaffa. 
Continually by carriage. Few people out 
to see us pass. This evening as I noticed 
signs of demoralization in my troop I or- 
ganised a dramatic entertainment. They 
gave charades in the open air, and I gave a 
lecture, not without some success. Subject, 
Would the Messiah have succeeded more 
quickly if he had had an army with him? 

October 2g, From Jaffa to Latrun. We 
draw near. The trip was made on horse- 
back. I prefer that. The scenery varies 
but little; however I thought of all the im- 
portant things that had happened in this 
region; I gather up my confused recollec- 
tions. I am in the country of Sacred His- 
tory; it lacks comfort. I understand why 
the Jews are not in a hurry to restore Jeru- 
salem. The country is worth nothing. 
But when one is a Sovereign, one must have 
seen the Holy Land, the cradle of our 
bankers. 

[59] 



The All Highest 



To-morrow I shall enter Zion. Mr. Cook 
assures me that everything is prepared; he 
has looked after the preparations himself. 
I handed him a military march that I com- 
posed on the way; it is very original; I 
found the principal theme between Ka'iffa 
and Jaffa. I desire that the march be exe- 
cuted with music as I enter the City. 

Mr. Cook tried it immediately upon his 
travelling accordion ; he finds that it strik- 
ingly recalls the great composers, the 
Wagner of Parsifal, the Mendelssohn of 
Songe, the Gounod of Faust, the Meyerbeer 
of the Prophet, and even the Strauss of the 
Blue Danube. Upon my word, that Eng- 
lishman has good taste. 

I awakened during the night; I went to 
one of the wells ; I did not meet a Samaritan 
woman. It was a pity. I returned to the 
tent and began a composition which repre- 
sents Lohengrin going to receive Ma- 
homet's kiss. I can say positively that I have 
never composed anything finer. 

I do not pride myself on being a uni- 
versal man; but I find that a Sovereign 
should be skilful with his hands. Louis 

[60] 




LOHENGRIN RECEIVING MAHOMET*S KISS 



The All Highest 



XVI was only a locksmith, and it was that 
which made him lose. As for me, I em- 
brace everything! 

Nevertheless it is a great pity that I did 
not meet a Samaritan woman. Mr. Cook 
should have looked out for it! 

October 30. Midnight. I return broken 
with fatigue. What a never-to-be-forgotten 
day! 

We arrived at Jerusalem toward three 
o'clock. I immediately dismounted from 
my horse and ordered an ass. I wished to 
make my entrance like Him! 

I might have put on a white tunic, but 
my journey would have lost all significa- 
tion ; it was with a helmet on my head that 
I entered the City of Judea! 

The procession was organised; I first, all 
alone, at the head, then the music, then Mr. 
Cook; then my retinue, then the tourists. 

As we proceeded, they waved great 
palms and threw flowers at us. At first the 
donkey refused to advance ; that animal was 
not aware of the role he was playing; he 
tried to escape from the honour of carrying 

[63] 



The All Highest 



me. Fortunately I am a good horseman; 
when we reached the Jaffa gate, the music 
started up, and the frightened animal took 
the bit in his teeth; my entrance almost 
miscarried. 

What my pride as a scene-setter suffered 
during the few minutes of the gallop of 
that ass no one will ever know, I finally 
mastered the ass which in the end became 
accustomed to the sound of the big drum ; I 
listened to my music, really it is not bad; it 
is music with melody, and not the satanic 
modern music, learned and wearisome. We 
started to march, the ass missed the step. 

The ceremony was so imposing that an 
astonished child shouted, ^^Hoorah! here is 
a circus!" This naive exhibition of admira- 
tion went straight to my heart. 

We advanced slowly, banners waving, 
under the sun. I was very warm. The 
shouts did not cease; evidently, other than 
the Agency tourists, there were not many 
present; Jerusalem is not a very populous 
city. Notwithstanding one meets so few 
Israelites, anti-semiticism is, so to speak, un- 

[64] 




'HE SERMON IN THE DESERT 

[Uniform of an Officiating Minister) 



The All Highest 



known. The best society of the city re- 
ceived me with enthusiasm. 

In the midst of the ceremony, I dis- 
mounted, as the ass announced his intention 
of rolling on the ground ; and I felt that no 
consideration, political or religious, would 
prevent him. I preferred to get off. 

I proceeded to the Sepulchre; it is the 
classic itinerary. They greatly exaggerate 
the importance of these places. Neverthe- 
less a Sovereign who visits a tomb produces 
a great impression. I returned, with music 
leading, to the house they had procured for 
me; in the evening illuminations. The in- 
stallation is defective ; the fare is mediocre, 
feeble even. At heart, I begin to regret my 
home. What did I come here to do? 

October 31, I announced a trip to Beth- 
lehem to be followed by a sermon in my 
own style. I do not know but that this was 
a mistake as no one followed me. 

It is from Bethlehem that the custom 
came of placing shoes in the chimney 
Christmas eve; it must be a curious custom 

V^7\ 



The All Highest 



as there are no chimneys and no shoes to 
speak of. 

I asked to see the famous stable; they 
showed it to me, or rather the first one at 
hand. For want of preservation the verit- 
able stable has disappeared. Always the 
lack of organisation. 

Upon my return I was entirely alone. I 
had prepared an allocution which greatly 
appealed to me. I was reduced to deliver- 
ing it in the desert. Bah! I am not the 
first one to whom that has happened. I 
delivered the sermon on the plain, 

I have a fine talent for speaking. I not 
only strike my hearers, I move them. 

And I had the pleasure of converting my- 
self after having moved myself to tears. 
That conversion does me honour. 

I wore for the occasion the frock-coat of 
an officiating minister. 

The heat is overpowering. 

November I. I have consecrated a 
temple; the architecture I designed myself; 
for I am an architect; I said to the people 
here, ^'Destroy the temple and I will re- 

[68] 




THE COLD BATH IN THE JORDAN 

(Uniform of a Corporal of Divers) 



The All Highest 



build it for you in three days!" They be- 
lieved that I spoke figuratively. I am rather 
clever in the architect's art; furthermore 
one does not have to be a magician; one has 
only to draw the lines. If I had the time 
and money I would pass my time in 
building. 

The heat is unbearable; upon my word. 
I could stand it no longer; I decided to 
take a bath in the Jordan. I was in the 

costume of no, in fact, I wore a simple 

pair of bathing drawers. I entered the 
Jordan, swimming. I did not go as far as 
the Dead Sea; enough of sad things! The 
inhabitants are decidedly stupid! They 
have a sea and they allow it to die! 

The bath set me up a little! I tried to 
walk on the water; it is very difficult; I 
haven't the secret, I must try it in the 
Winter in Berlin, when it freezes; I shall 
think the matter over. 

At Jericho, Mr. Cook had arranged an 
"incident" which will, I hope, produce a 
lively impression. As I was proceeding to 
my camp, I was accosted in the public place 
by a cripple, wrapped in unclean linen. 

[71] 



The All Highest 



"Charity, my Prince !'' 

"I have no money," I replied. 

"I am sick." 

"Ah! I have a little medical knowledge; 
I will cure you. From what do you 
suffer?" 

"I have leprosy!" 

I made a motion to step back. Fortu- 
nately Mr. Cook nudged me; I understood. 

"Man, what dost thou desire?" 

"Only touch my sores and I shall be 
healed." 

"It shall be done according to thy 
desire." 

I touched his sores. The man arose, and 
standing, appeared perfectly healthy. I 
cured in the same manner a legless man 
sitting in a bowl and a one-armed person. 

The tourists were astonished. 

Starting from this moment, I was as- 
sailed by a crowd of sick people, not ar- 
ranged for by Mr. Cook, who wanted me 
to touch their sores. I made my escape. 

The repasts are not substantial! I would 
like to shorten my journey. I have seen 
enough ! 

[72] 




RESURRECTION OF THE LEPER 

(Uniform of a Surgeon of the Salvation Army) 



The All Highest 



Mr. Cook, to whom I said a word upon 
the subject is opposed; according to our 
contract, I shall not be free until November 
i6 at Alexandria! Until then I am his 
property. He reports to me that the tourists 
are enchanted and that they would become 
furious if I should refuse to keep my en- 
gagements. He showed me a poster he had 
printed. 



In a short time 
Emperor William, II 
Will accomplish 
The Ascension 



"And how?" 

"In a balloon; it is in the baggage; they 
are going to fill it at once." 

"I will not lend myself to that!" 

"Come! Come! Is not Your Majesty an 
aeronaut?" 

Mr. Cook knows how to touch me on 
my weak point. After all, why should I 
not be an aeronaut? Quo non ascendam? 
— To what heights can I not mount? 

[75] 



The All Highest 



November 2. All through Jericho we 
passed these posters. 

To Day 

The New Messiah 

Will effect an Ascension 

In the Balloon 

The Never to be Forgotten Grandfather** 

Departure at J o^clock sharp 



<f 



Since the accident happened to the ram- 
parts which fell because they played the 
trumpet sideways, military music has been 
forbidden in the suburbs and in the city! 
Mr. Cook was obliged to impose silence on 
his fanfare. 

At three o'clock precisely I climbed into 
the car of the balloon. Let go! 

I rose majestically in the midst of accla- 
mations. At sunset the Never to be Forgot- 
ten Grandfather deposited me in the out- 
skirts of Jerusalem. I know now the move- 
ments of a balloon; O Natar! It is as sim- 
ple as happiness. 

November 3, It is a fortnight since I 
started. I have had no news from home. 

[76] 




THE ASCENSION 



The All Highest 



What is happening there? I begin to be 
anxious. This evening I shall have a de- 
cisive interview with Mr. Cook. 

In order to begin the day I proceeded to 
the Monastery of Marsabat. 

A Monastery is a sort of barracks for 
Monks. 

The Monks of Marsabat exercise the 
same functions as other monks in other 
countries ; they do nothing except pray from 
morning until night; they have different 
prayers for each hour of the day. 

They are well built men; they would 
make a fine regiment; I passed them in 
review. 

I dressed myselt for the ceremony in the 
habit of the Superior of Carmelites. 

They manoeuvred in front of me; I 
asked them to sing the Hymn to Aegir: 
they acquitted themselves well. Then they 
marched off; I took luncheon at their table. 
It is an error to boast of the ordinary monas- 
tic fare; they only had vegetables cooked 
in water. 

At dessert I made a speech and explained 
to the monks how they ought to serve the 

[79] 



The All Highest 



Lord. I have my own ideas upon the sub- 
ject of religion. I next sketched in bold 
strokes my Divine Mission. They listened 
to me in perfect silence. 

When I finished, the Superior advised me 
to renounce the world and devote myself 
to preaching. Why not? My predecessor 
Charles the Fifth entered into orders 
toward the end of his life. I promised the 
Superior to return in forty years. Until 
then ! 

As I regained my general quarters I met 
the reporters. These pests are everywhere; 
they hang to my skirts all the time, and I 
cannot take a hundred steps without being 
photographed or cinematographed in every 
position. Yet if they would only write the 
exact story! But they are as malevolent as 
pleasure. I would like to teach them their 
business. 

For I am somewhat of a journalist; as 
The Cologne Gazette needed a corre- 
spondent in Palestine, I made a secret con- 
tract with the Directory, and every evening 
I send a detailed letter concerning my 
doings and movements for the day. 

[80] 




lEVIEW OF A MONASTERY 

(Uniform of a Carmelite Superior) 



The All Highest 



'^The Emperor was received in Jericho 
amid acclamations of an enthusiastic crowd, 
etcr 

Sometimes I criticise myself a little — 
respectfully, of course, and, strange as it 
may seem, I keep account of my observa- 
tions. 

The heat is terrible; they could cook 
here with but little fire; I cannot stand it. 

I demanded the presence of Mr. Cook, 
and I said to him: 

"Sir, and dear Barnum, I have a serious 
communication to make to you." 

"A change in the itinerary, I'll w?ger?" 

"Just so!" 

"You wish to stay longer in Egypt?" 

"On the contrary, I wish to return, I 
have seen enough." 

"But our contract?" 

"Listen, this is not living; for two weeks 
we have trotted over by-ways and roads ; we 
have tried every means of locomotion ; rail- 
road, gondola, Hohenzollern, skiff, car- 
riages, camels, ass, balloon, horseback, pal- 
anquin ! My teeth are on edge." 

[83] 



The All Highest 



^^Very possible, but I have paid you the 
price agreed upon; you will go to the end." 

"It is beyond my strength, Mr. Cook. 
Think of it, a Sovereign cannot perform 
such work. Monsieur Felix Faure himself 
could not do it." 

"Come, come! He went to Russia." 

"He returned in a week; I have the 
record myself; I have stood it a fortnight. 
My Divine Mission is accomplished so far 
as the Orient is concerned." 

"And our tourists? They will demand 
their money back." 

"No, we will find a pretext; I shall not 
shout aloud that I suffer from the heat and 
that I am bored. My prestige would de- 
cline. I will give a diplomatic reason ; fur- 
thermore, Egypt is not very interesting. 
Yes. I know, the pyramids, forty centuries, 
the Sphinx, the Suez Canal! There are too 
many English here." 

"Since Your Majesty requests it, we will 
return. But we shall have litigation." 

"That's an idea! I have never tried the 
legal profession." 

"To-morrow, en route!* 

[84] 




THESE PESTS, REPORTERS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS, ARE EVERYWHERE 



The All Highest 



November 4, We started. 

November 6. On board the Hohenzol- 
lern. I recapitulate my journey. 

It has not been a journey for study, since 
I have seen nothing interesting or worth 
the trouble of changing one's habits. 

It was not undertaken as a favour to any 
one. 

What was the object of my travelling to 
the Orient? 

The chancelleries are in a flutter; they 
suppose there are secret treaties, ententes, a 
struggle for influence; they edit the com- 
munications, they make a great display of 
systems, they foresee new politics. My 
return is the subject of anxious commen- 
taries; and as always, it suffices for me to 
give the real reason in order that they dis- 
regard it. 

It is of no consequence; I shall always 
remember the evening in the harem, yonder. 
That only prevents me from regretting my 
journey. 

A few days later. Here I am, rein- 
stalled; nothing unpleasant has happened 

[87] 



The All Highest 



during my absence; everything goes mar- 
vellously v^ell. 

And, at heart, I cannot help being 
troubled: w^as it not a mistake to demon- 
strate to my people by an absence of three 
weeks, that I am not indispensable to the 
happiness of my subjects and to the opera- 
tion of public affairs? 

And worse still, I find a letter from the 
Sultan who announces his visit for next 
year! 

Oh!No, notif Iknowit! 

The travel notes of the Emperor of Ger- 
many stop here. William II has not even 
added The Flight into Egypt. 



[88] 




''as it was very heavy, they took turns in carrying it. 

Flaubert, Herodtas, 



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THE ENTRANCE INTO JERUSALEM 



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BINDERY INC. 

^^OCT 89 

8S^ N. MANCHESTER, 
'**-^ INDIANA 46962 



